


Oh, /that/ kind of rounds.

by sunsettter



Category: Terraria
Genre: FUCKING TERRARIA SMUT., Porn With Plot (if you squint), Smut, Spinoff Fic, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Voodoo doll, and it wont fucking leave my brain dude i know every fucking gun in the game, author hates himself, gagging on dick, it ive ruined their lives by buying them the game, ive gotten two of my friends mega into terraria too and they hate me for, listen to me i cant take this anymore why do i have to be, neurodivergent this is terrible because my brain latched onto, terraria of all things and now its my special interest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:15:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29732337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsettter/pseuds/sunsettter
Summary: I hate it here.Read the tags, please.No beta because I really don't want to put anyone I know through this... As usual--...Unfortunately, a moment of peace is too much to ask when you’re Jake, apparently, because when you’re Jake, you’re the target for any neighborhood arms dealer to cause you as much anguish as possible. Maybe the guide could be exaggerating, but considering the circumstances, hereally isn’t in the wrong.
Relationships: Arms Dealer/Guide (Terraria)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	Oh, /that/ kind of rounds.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cola_Shark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cola_Shark/gifts).
  * Inspired by [What Kinda Rounds?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24167731) by [Cola_Shark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cola_Shark/pseuds/Cola_Shark). 



> i don't know why i do this.
> 
> i'd also like to quote a comment on the original work. "Yea ok. I think quarantine is jacking with all of our heads. Mostly because I sat here and genuinely enjoyed this...t e r r a r i a. Smut. Wowie. We are both sick bastards"  
> \- AO3 user, 2020
> 
> i can't take this anymore, someone tell me to stop writing forever /j

It had been a few weeks since the first  _ incident  _ with the voodoo doll. 

\--

Jake was sitting peacefully in his room,  _ trying _ to read an interesting book on the different magic guns a mage was able to make, but a certain  _ acquaintance _ was making that hard. The hero was out exploring the jungle, so that left only one other culprit. The guide was  _ really _ regretting letting the arms dealer keep that stupid voodoo doll. 

Apparently, Darius was feeling bored that day, and kept tossing the doll. Just when Jake thought he was finally catching a break, he’d feel like he’d just fallen down the stairs. He was briefly debating going to talk to Darius, maybe ask him  _ what the hell he was thinking _ when Jake had specifically said not to hurt him. Here he was, putting his trust in someone, and-

**_CRASH!_ **

Yeah, Jake was going to have to have a  _ chat _ with Darius after that little stunt. “Oh my gosh,” Jake muttered, regaining his bearings after falling on the floor from one particularly hard toss of the doll. He got off of the floor and dusted his pants off by habit, dog-earing the page of his book. 

Jake hopped up the platform, coming eye-level with Darius’ door and raising his hand, banging twice and  _ loudly _ on the door. Darius answered, looking a little confused. “Yeah?” The arms dealer raised an eyebrow in question and crossed his arms. “I _asked_ you not to hurt me,” Jake snapped, distaste  _ clear _ in his general air. “I didn’t do anything,” Darius replied, holding his hands up to show innocence. “Why did I just fall out of my chair, then? You’ve been throwing around that dang doll all day,” Jake scolded. “I have  _ not _ ,” Darius said, “I’ve been cleaning my guns all day.” 

“Just don’t mess with me, okay? _ I was having a good day before this, _ ” Jake mumbled the last part, slouching his shoulders a bit. “Pop off, I guess,” Darius shrugged, “Is this all you beat down my door for?” “ _ Yeah _ , what else would I want?” Jake replied. “See you later,” Darius said, closing the door.

Jake stood there in disbelief for a second,  _ how _ could the arms dealer be so…  _ infuriating _ ? The guide hopped down the platform, retreating back to his room and hoping to the stars he wouldn’t be bothered any  _ further  _ that day.

...Unfortunately, that’s too much to ask when you’re Jake, apparently, because when you’re Jake, you’re the target for any neighborhood arms dealer to cause you as much anguish as possible. Maybe the guide is exaggerating, but considering the circumstances, he  _ really isn’t _ . 

When you’re Jake, you’re lucky to receive a half hour of peace before Darius gets bored of whatever the  _ heck _ he does all day.

He’d just settled down and gotten back to his book, thankfully the vibe wasn’t  _ too _ thrown off so it was easy to fall back into the slow rhythm of turning pages and listening to the breeze outside. The hero had been nice enough to give him a sofa, slowly upgrading the townsfolk’s homes, so he was curled up at the far left so he could read by the sunlight. Soon enough, however, he felt something trail down his spine. He shivered at the imagined contact, but was too deep in his reading to care much. 

Soon enough, Jake’s gaze dropped slightly from his book, he was sure aware of  _ something _ this time. He sighed loudly, debating going to yell at Darius again. He  _ really _ should’ve taken that voodoo doll when he had the chances.

Jake’s entire body tensed, though, when he felt something like cold metal pressed against his stomach. “Not again,” Jake sighed. He really  _ was _ having a good day before this. His eyelids fluttered shut and he clutched the cushions of his sofa, lurching forward into an invisible sensation.  _ ‘Okay, this is really happening again,’ _ Jake thought, gritting his teeth. He could tell that Darius was using his hands on the doll again, and a strangled, high-pitched moan escaped Jake’s lips despite his attempt at keeping quiet. 

He immediately clasped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide, he was  _ not _ going to give the arms dealer the satisfaction of messing with him  _ twice _ . Jake’s head lolled back and gently hit the wall as he felt a jolt of pure pleasure through his body, he only  _ somewhat _ managed to muffle his groan with his hand. His thighs shook from how tightly they were pressed together and he let out quiet whimpers, ones he knew nobody else could hear. “Oh  _ shit _ ,” Jake squeaked, jumping again, he was  _ not _ going to be able to withstand this much longer.

Meanwhile, Darius sat at his own table with a smug, self-satisfactory grin on his face. He was messing with the doll again, holding it in both hands while poking and prodding at it with his thumbs. The arms dealer could hear occasional moans from the home below his. Yeah, he  _ definitely _ wasn’t straight.

Darius once again brought the doll to his lips, licking a stripe along it’s crotch region. As expected, a noise absolutely  _ pornographic _ in nature came from below. He laughed to himself, this was completely golden. Not only did he get to embarrass the guide like hell, but  _ also _ reduce someone who talked themselves up so much to just mere whines and desperate pleas. He listened intently, resorting to just licking at the poor doll. Jake, though, wasn’t  _ near _ as chill.

He was wrecked  _ already _ , a hot coil building in his stomach. Jake’s hair was disheveled and he was crying at this point, holy  _ shit _ did Darius know what he was doing.  _ He felt lightheaded. _ “Yes,  _ -ah- _ more please,” Jake choked on his words, barely even able to get them out coherently. His usually tall and strong figure looked small, flat against the cushions and quivering with a white-knuckled grip on his knees. He didn’t even care who heard him at this point, he was just fucked-out and begging for release. 

Suddenly, though, all of the feeling stopped. Jake whined loudly in protest. “Let me in,” came a voice from outside his door. “Come in,” Jake said, his voice wavering from the exertion. “Isn’t it polite to let your guests in?” Darius chuckled, knocking again. Jake sighed, grumbling to himself, having to brace himself on the sofa and then the table to actually make it to the door. He opened it with an irritated glare, “Come in, asshole.”

Darius happily accepted the offer, tipping an imaginary hat and dangling the doll in front of Jake’s face. He held it by the neck and Jake flinched, grabbing at his own neck and choking slightly. He tried to focus every ounce of anger he was capable of into one death glare, but it really wasn’t that intimidating when he was flushed red down to his neck and there was a clear bulge in his slacks. “You’re awful _ -ohh,- _ ” The insults Jake was planning to deliver were cut off by a guttural groan, he almost lost his balance at the return of intense pleasure to his body.

“Get on your knees,” Darius shoved Jake just a little, which nearly made him fall, so Jake begrudgingly dropped to his knees.  _ Totally to avoid falling down, right? _ He came face to face with the clear tent in Darius’ jeans, not needing to be told what to do. He fumbled with the man’s belt buckle before unbuttoning his pants, pulling down his zipper and palming at Darius’ cock through his boxers. Darius gave a small hum of approval, taking out his length to make things easier for poor Jake, who could barely even use his hands. Jake eagerly took the cock presented to him to his lips, parting them and stuffing most of the length down his throat. Darius gripped the back of Jake’s hair and held him there, forcing him down so that his nose brushed against the short curly hairs at the base. 

Jake gagged, attempting to pull back, but of  _ course _ Darius wasn’t going to go easy on him. His eyes fluttered shut, mostly to prevent the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes from falling. He moaned around Darius’ dick, unable to keep himself from gagging again directly after. Jake’s shoulders shook but he did stay down despite his body’s attempt to reject the obstruction of his airway. Finally, Darius roughly yanked him back and he gratefully took the opportunity to breathe again, choking on his own rapid breaths. Darius watched him, the hint of a smug smirk on his face was the only indicator of any enjoyment. 

Jake returned to his cock, working on his own accord now and giving Darius a rather sloppy blowjob. “Good boy,” Darius panted out, rubbing the crotch of the voodoo doll as he knew Jake was probably getting impatient. Jake found it difficult to restrain himself from going completely limp, the pure fire coursing through his veins made his brain foggy and his muscles weak. He choked and cried around Darius’ length, spit dripping down his chin and the hand tangled in his hair being one of the only things keeping him upright. 

Darius finally came with a grunt, thrusting deep into Jake’s throat without warning. Jake, still dazed, tilted his head to accommodate once he felt Darius’ cock twitch and swallowed the load greedily. Jake was making all sorts of noises now that his mouth was free, clinging to Darius’ legs with loose, shaky hands. “Cum in your pants again, since you’re so desperate,” Darius hummed, laughing quietly at the guide’s broken state on the floor. Jake all but screamed from the intensity of his own orgasm, coming down from his high only after minutes and wiping his face. 

“Anyways, I’ll be on my way, it’s near sundown so I think the hero should be coming to buy some ammo so they can last through the night. You know how they’re even more trigger-happy than  _ me _ ,” Darius said casually, tucking himself back into his pants and buckling his belt. He waved to Jake before leading himself out and leaving the guide to contemplate his life choices in the clear mess of his own cum at the front of his slacks.

**Author's Note:**

> i wonder how the creators of terraria feel knowing people out there create porn of their game.  
> i listened to screamo rap while writing this because it's the only way i can describe my thoughts while i write as a hobby; screaming about wanting to die and do drugs.
> 
> my friends on discord: arguing, genuinely mad at each other, another server causing chaos, in vent chats angry about the fact they want to fuck a gun or some shit instead of being able to have a normal human life  
> me, in the corner: tapping away at my keyboard and slamming my head against the wall every once in a while when brain stops working


End file.
